


A Different, But Not Replacement, Home

by ProPinkist



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY ;___;, I know Snake doesn't talk much so I hope this doesn't feel too ooc, I'm still waiting (in fear), and circus feels always, and i want to see him bonding more with the Phantomhive servants... my heart..., and using the snakes as a barrier would make him more willing to talk about sensitive things, asdlkfnfjdkdkf, at least imo, but he has to have his moments I imagine, i have so many Snake feels always, the manga is a shitstorm right now but /when with the Snake Drama be addressed/
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 20:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: Snake has too many conflicting emotions for him to count, working at the Phantomhive manor. Finny helps him through them, just enough.





	A Different, But Not Replacement, Home

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched Book of Circus and Book of Murder with my friend recently, and then saw Book of Atlantic in the theater, and so now all my long-buried Kuro feels are returning to me ughhhh < / 3 (fitting timing, since maybe the manga is about to turn itself around and get back on track? I can only hope tbh). Snake is my pure son; he just needs friends, and comfort, and happiness... and some closure OTL ;____; My memory of events after the Campania arc is rather blurry, but as far as I remember Snake didn't have a big role at all in any other arc besides that one and the Green Witch arc, so I didn't mention the rest, but this would take place sometime after the latter, after Snake has been with them a while. As for Finny, I don't /think/ he would make the connection about Snake's "friends", considering that he doesn't know Snake came from a circus, and doesn't know that the intruders they took out that night were connected to where Ciel and Sebastian currently were, and if enough time had passed between the circus arc and the murder mystery arc, he'd be even less likely to put it together.

“Snake! Enjoying the lovely day?”

The sudden loud voice next to his ear made Snake jump, and he turned stiffly to the left to see blond hair, and a bright, smiling face looking down at him. Within a moment, Finny had plopped down beside him in the grass, letting out a lazy stretch and a happy sigh as he turned to look at him.

“I suppose… Just thinking, mostly… says Oscar,” he eventually murmured, looking down absentmindedly as the mentioned snake began to coil around on the ground in between his legs. Snake was alone off to the side of the back of the manor, business for him slow with the master of the house away without need for any of his servants besides Black, as was often the case even when he _was_ around. When he was not needed, he preferred to stay outdoors when he could, giving the snakes the freedom to roam around as they wished.

“Thinking about what?”

When he said nothing, Finny put a finger to his chin, looking at him curiously. “Come to think of it, none of us really know that much about you, or why the Young Master chose you to be with us… Not that you know anything about us though, really, and besides, all we need to know is that we can count on you, and that you’re one of us!”

The words made Snake even more apprehensive and hesitant, and yet at the same time, he couldn’t ignore the way his breath caught in his throat.

“…One… of… you…?”

“Of course!” Finny exclaimed, grinning, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You can protect the Master, and you’re nice and you’re interesting…a-and, well, I like animals, so I think your snakes are neat.”

He laughed sheepishly at the end, scratching his cheek, and after a moment, Snake wordlessly reached out, extending Wordsworth, that was wrapped around his arm, towards the boy, while giving him a questioning look. Finny’s eyes widened, and upon his happy nod, Snake let his friend slither off of him and onto the arm of the other. Wordsworth seemed to tighten his squeeze, he noticed, but the gardener didn’t seem to be fazed at all, starry-eyed and happy as he very slowly and delicately stroked a finger across the snake’s head, and in the back of his mind Snake vaguely remembered the fact of the boy’s superhuman strength, that he occasionally talked of being unable to control when he most needed to.

It was a strange and unusual trait, one that hit painfully close to home with memories of certain people, and Snake’s mind unbiddenly pictured another universe, perhaps, where Finny could have easily ended up **_there_** , if what he went through in the past was indeed similar to him, and if he hadn’t landed in as nice a place as here at the Phantomhive manor.

Snake wondered if that was part of why Finny seemed eager to become attached to him; noticed that he was different, as well, and understood. The thought of the possibility made him feel an overwhelming amount of relief, and comfort, and yet at the very same time, for reasons the gardener couldn’t possibly know, his encouraging words also filled him with despair, and panic, heartache, _confusion,_ and a feeling of utter _wrongness_ _~~( **of betrayal** )~~_.

He wanted to feel at ease here, and yet…

_This isn’t home._

_~~(but it might eventually become it, instead, slowly but surely, whether he liked it or not)~~ _

“I… I’m here… to see my friends again, someday… says Emily.”

“Eh? Friends?” Finny chirped, turning back to him in surprise as Wordsworth mussed up his hair. “Does the Young Master know where they are?”

“Y-Yes…” Snake whispered, drawing his knees up and burying his chin in them, and even now, or rather, _especially_ now, thinking of that fact filled him with a sense of dread; a painful, twisted feeling in his stomach. “…They’re… more like my family, really… Smi- the master… was with us, back then… and then they disappeared… So I’ve come here to find out where they’ve gone… says Goethe.”

“Really…?” Finny breathed, his voice sounding pained. “I had no idea… that’s terribly sad. You must miss them so much!”

Snake bit his lip as he curled further into himself, the other drawing forth even further the deep-seated thoughts and fears that had always been in the back of his mind, that he had been fighting with before Finny had first appeared today.

“I-I do… and the worst part is… the longer I’m here, the more it feels like I can’t… can’t remember… what their voices sound like anymore… a-and I don’t know where they are, or if they’re alright… or why they’re gone… and I think… I think that… maybe… Maybe they don’t _want_ to be found, if they really were… really were… doing everything S-Smile said they were, without telling me… But even still, I want to see them again; I don’t want… to f-forget… forget what being with them felt like…!”

His voice had grown high-pitched and panicky, as Snake pressed his entire face into his knees, but even still, he found he couldn’t cry, as he had never been able to his entire life, perhaps due to his other biological half. Rare was it that he got emotional at all, in truth, but despite how long he had been at the manor now, and how much less nervous he felt overall with his new role and new setting (thanks in no small part to the cheerful and laidback atmosphere of the place, despite how serious Smile and Black were), Snake knew that this wasn’t truly where he was meant to be, and he didn’t _want_ it to be – the beds were as soft as a feather, and there was hardly any noise to be heard (only because the manor was so expansive, and the walls so thick, and the place so _empty_ ), and everything was clean and pristine and proper and sophisticated, and Mey-rin and Finny and Baldroy were the only three people in the manor who didn’t fit any of those descriptions, and he felt the closest to them as a result, and thanks to their kindness, after he had gotten over his initial nervousness at their lively energy. But even still…

…they weren’t them.

They weren’t the circus troupe, and the Phantomhive manor wasn’t Noah’s Ark Circus, and he missed the loud ruckus of shouts as people traveled to and fro around him from morning to night, and the rugged, well-worn, rough-around-the-edges, homely, and close-knit atmosphere of the place, and he missed the laughter, and the smiles, and the words of encouragement, and the sudden hugs that always used to startle him at first, and the overwhelming _love_ that surrounded him, a word Snake was so very unfamiliar with for so long, but then was finally able to say that he felt with all of his heart and soul.

That love that they gave him, that day that they pulled him out of the cage, starving and bruised and cold and terrified and alone, and gave him a family and a place to belong; love that never stopped, even though he wasn’t originally one of them.

And maybe that was why they didn’t share everything with Snake, precisely because they didn’t want to involve someone who didn’t need to be burdened with whatever they were doing; for his own safety and peace of mind, because he didn’t start out with them… Even still, he wanted to see them again, and he wanted to _know_ : even if it hurt, he wanted to know their pain, and their secrets, and help them in any way he could, no matter how horrible it seemed, and no matter how he might feel about it; after everything they had done for him, he owed them that much.

Above all, Snake didn’t want to forget, didn’t want this place to become the new “normal”; no matter how loyal he was to Smile now, he _could not forget_ that time of happiness, and the people who had given him that chance at happiness at all _._

_(could not forget that, no matter_ how _bad the troupe’s crimes might be, **Smile** and **Black** were the catalysts for them vanishing, the reason they had been so stressed the last time he had seen them, the reason their peace, their _ happiness, _was broken; if things_ had _been happening, perhaps he could have found out differently, and things could have been worked through somehow, but instead,_ those two _came in like a whirlwind and ripped them all apart, and as loyal to Smile as he was now, as he_ had _to be, if he wanted any hope of seeing them again (and it was truly genuine, partly, which scared him), there was always the fear, the worst fear of all, tucked as far back into his mind as it could possibly be, that threatened to break free whenever he caught Smile staring at him out of the corner of his eye almost in pity, and almost haunted, and whenever he saw Black wearing a rare face that sent chills down his spine; it was a fear that always made him unable to breathe, one that he couldn’t_ possibly _allow himself to acknowledge might be the truth, because if he did he wouldn’t be able to_ handle _it—)_

“Snake.”

He breathed, shuddering, as he felt a hand on his hunched shoulders, and Snake hastily murmured a quiet “…says Keats” at the end of his ramble, feeling ashamed, and nervous. His snakes’ personas were a safety net of sorts for him, but upon speaking too long so emotionally, the different personalities and voices no longer applied, and despite still using them as a front, he knew who the words were _really_ coming from, and he had never felt more vulnerable.

Finny, however, simply rubbed his back gently, and gave him a few moments before continuing speaking.

“…Do you like working for the Young Master?”

It was a terrible question, one that Snake desperately didn’t want to have to answer out loud, knowing how he would, but not being able to lie to the face of one of the ones that had been so kind to him all this time.

“…Yes… It’s very… warm here, and calm… and I don’t like all of the chaos Smile and Black go through, but… I feel like I have things I can do… a-and Smile counted on me, back then, on the ship… says Wilde.”

Snake lifted his head, staring straight forwards across the vast lawn, closing his eyes and feeling the breeze as Wilde poked his cheek to comfort him. His throat felt tight, admitting this, but it was the truth, and despite all of his reservations and lingering worries, and yearning for the past to return, he could no longer deny that he had grown comfortable here to some degree. He didn’t understand Smile or Black, and didn’t know when the former would eventually find out and tell him where his family was (and once again, there was _the fear_ ; sometimes hidden but always present), but he did know how disturbingly _genuine_ his concern for the enigmatic boy’s safety had been, both on that hellish ship when they had been escaping the monsters and during the crisis in Germany that had had even Black at a loss, and how _good_ it had felt to be able to do something to help in the first nightmare, in the midst of how incredibly scary and unusual and _foreign_ the entire situation was from what he was used to in the circus. Not to mention how kind and welcoming the other servants were to him, of course, in their own, eccentric way.

Eccentric was just the right word for it all, really. Back then, he and the troupe had all been eccentric, too, and if he thought about it that way, maybe Snake could grow to accept it.

It didn’t have to replace that; as soon as that life, that life he _truly_ belonged in, returned _~~(no “if” to it, it~~_ ~~would _)_~~ , he could go back, and leave this behind. …But for now, it was simply a change of pace.

Only a temporary home of a different kind, nothing more, until the day he could see them again.

“I’m glad,” Finny said softly, reaching his arm out until Wordsworth caught the corner of Snake’s eye, prompting him to accept his friend back. “I know the Young Master can be serious, but he does mean well and does so much to help a lot of people! …And, deep down, he’s still just a kid, like you and me.”

His voice trailed off, his expression sad, and Snake knew he was thinking of their master’s time under that strange curse, and how defensive of Smile he had been during that entire uncharacteristic meltdown of his. On that ship, he had been protective of his fiancé, almost desperately so, as well as clearly concerned for Black’s wellbeing after it was all over, and Snake remembered thinking back then as well how unusual it was to see him so unmasked, so much without his stoic front when he was forced into a position where he was so helpless.

It made him wonder which was real: Smile, who betrayed the deeply-buried emotions of a scared and broken child that time in Germany, and who had shown such intimate closeness with one of the few family he had left on the Campania, unlike all the other times she had come to the manor, and shown such unusual worry for Black… or Ciel Phantomhive, the child earl who had purposefully played to Joker’s empathetic side with his supposed eye injury, and had infiltrated his family and ripped them apart from the inside out for the sake of what he claimed was justice for others, others that Snake had yet to see or hear news of, just like he had yet to see _them._

“…He was kind… to give us a place to stay after we had nowhere else to go… says Donne,” Snake said instead in response, his stomach knotting slightly, his mouth dry, and his eyes strangely hot.

“And we’re happy to have you here!” Finny chirped brightly immediately afterwards, causing Snake to turn to see his grin. The blonde’s eyes softened a little, and he reached out, delicately fingering one of the snakes again. “…If it ever gets too scary or lonely, we’ll try to help you, me and Mey-rin and Bard… I know we can’t be the same as your other friends, but until you get to see them again, we want you to be as happy as you can… just like how the three of us have found happiness here.”

The gardener’s smile was gentle, and nostalgic and a little bit sad, and Snake was once again reminded of those familiar memories, and familiar people, Finny’s countenance now not unlike his own whenever he thought of those memories and people, and the longing in his heart and burning in his eyes only grew even stronger as he managed a small smile himself, feeling surprisingly brave, and comforted, despite the still-there lingering sadness and worry (but it was mitigated ever-so-slightly nonetheless).

He thought maybe the other circus members would like them, if they were to one day meet.

“…T-Thanks… for always helping us… me… …”

Snake said nothing else, his voice trembling slightly, but he held his smile as his eyes shone.

“That’s what friends are for, right?” Finny exclaimed, grinning as he suddenly leapt up, reaching out his hand to his in a gesture of helping him up as well, and Snake once again skipped a breath at the word _friends_ , though this time, less from shame and more from genuine happiness. He didn’t need to be ashamed, he told himself as he allowed himself to be pulled up; not when he had never once forgotten about them, and never would, until he saw them again.

This is what they would have – _would_ _want_ for him, Snake knew.

Finny continued smiling, patting him gently on the shoulder, and he watched as all of his snakes began to crowd around the other’s hand in acceptance, as the blonde spoke thoughtfully.

“I think you’re brave… and that you have a lot on your mind that doesn’t come from your snake friends; whenever you have something to say, we’ll be here to listen.”


End file.
